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Sunday, December 31st, 2006

Subject:life moves too quick...
Time:11:03 am.
Mood: content.
It's been quite a while...over a year...since I've posted. I'm thinking of deleting this journal. I wonder about some of you on here from time to time..and if anyone has been curious as to what I've been up to, well quite a lot I suppose.

I live in a big beautiful house which I just adore, with my husband, whom I grow to love more and more with each passing day, my darling Luna (who's 4 now), and my new sweet baby boy, Julian Bennett, 4 months old. And, of course, Summer, Whisper and Odessa, my three cute and naughty cats. I've been doing so many things I thought I'd never do...I'm painting again..I just painted a violin for Perry (he's taking lessons again, after 10 years, and with the same teacher!), I have a library of classic literature that I just can't wait to delve into (I'm starting now on Animal Farm..I need to read that again, it's been years and years), I'm crocheting whenever I get the chance (I already made Julian a jacket!) and, perhaps the most exciting, I've decided to take cello lessons. The last won't be for months yet, but I simply can't wait. Perry wants to go rent one now, so he can play around with it, and so we can look at it, but I think we'll wait till the lessons start. We've decided all the females in the family will learn cello, and all the boys violin. Which means Luna will be starting the cello too very soon.

So..I'm very, very happy, and I hope all of you are as well...I'm going to get even busier, I may be pregnant again this coming summer. Sometimes a few of you enter my thoughts. I hope all of you have found happiness as well.
12 dreams| walk with me

Sunday, July 25th, 2004

Time:9:42 pm.
Mood: awake.

After some uncomfortable and unnerving events occurring lately, I have decided to make this journal FRIENDS ONLY...perhaps not permanently, but at least until I feel comfortable writing in it. I have learned recently that I am being watched/spied on by people who I am trying to move on from, and it isn't a good feeling when I write to know they will be reading my personal (well, as personal as live journal gets for me anyway) thoughts...as well as knowing where I hang out, and plans I make with friends. (For example...last night I got a text message asking me how my date was. Not cool. (But my date was awesome! (cept for the party and the drama) I am in much anticipation of the next!)
19 dreams| walk with me

Monday, July 19th, 2004

Subject:Feeling better from much needed laughter this weekend...
Time:1:47 pm.
Mood: okay.
I love my hair. I feel tons lighter. Pics here.

I had great fun this last weekend. Hung out with a guy I met recently, Adam (or Morty as everyone calls him...Alison, I think you know this guy, he used to go your parties). We're going to a party with the Strangest Places guys this Saturday night...a date? I think so, by the way I was asked. Yay!
18 dreams| walk with me

Wednesday, July 14th, 2004

Time:1:20 pm.
Mood: numb.
Yesterday, when I went to pick Luna up, I could tell something was horribly wrong the second I saw Kory's face. 'You didn't hear?' What, I said. 'It's about Maile. It's bad.' Maile is Malia's twin sister. Kory grew up with her, as I feel I did, I think there is a time in everyone's lives when you find a group of friends that becomes your family, that you grow with, people you would do anything for. I haven't seen Maile in a year or so, she moved to Las Vegas and got in with some bad people, drugs, other things..she was one part of our 'family' that steered in the wrong direction, but even though we hadn't been as close the last couple years, she still feels like part of my family. Like a sister. I've known her for 7 years. I picked up Luna and waited for her to go on. She mouthed the words. 'She's dead.' I felt like my jaw had dropped to the floor, but in reality I was only staring, uncomprehending. Dead? No, not Maile, not dead. I keep seeing Kory mouth those words with that horrible expression over and over in my mind. Saying the word over and over until it's not even a word anymore. I cannot grasp the reality of it. Dead - to me right now meaning she was here, now she's not. I keep seeing her face, I keep hearing her voice. I did much crying yesterday, but everytime I see it in my head, I feel it coming on again. We were all worried. We all wanted her to come home. She kept saying that no one here cared about her anymore. I still remember one of the first times I met here, out at Niki's farm, we had a seance in the barn. I see her downstairs at Heather's, us kids, planning things our parents wouldn't have approved of. Her and Malia, playing Ministry in my Monte Carlo, my 'nightrider' car, cause we thought we looked cool, we were three girls overly concerned about our image, and about being cool 'bad ass' chicks, always teasing the boys. I see her spreading fake blood on herself and going into McDonalds faking a serious injury. I see her on the bus back from Summerfest making her very loud and obnoxious (and very good) howling dog impression. I looked through photo albums, but it didn't help sink in the fact that she is gone.

As if that wasn't bad enough, it got worse. She was beaten to death. She had been unidentified since the 27th of June, found just outside an Indian Reservation, on a trail in the desert. She may have also been pregnant. We think it's someone she knew, she was involved with a bad guy. But they'll probably never know. This is the kind of thing you see in movies, people 'from the streets' aren't really mentioned too much in the news. This isn't supposed to happen to your friends.

Last night I needed company, a friend, anything. You were a comfort, and a good friend. Thank you. (You know who you are.) Many people on here I consider good friends, I feel I can express these things here to all of you. Maile will never see just how much everyone did care about her, how much everyone is hurting. I wish I could have told her, but I'm trying to tell myself that now she knows.
11 dreams| walk with me

Monday, July 12th, 2004

Subject:Omg...I'm really doing this...
Time:4:22 pm.
Mood: scared.
I care too much about whether I should do this or not, a good reason why I should just go ahead and do it. It's just hair. That took four years to grow.

Hair appointment is made. Hair is coming off.
23 dreams| walk with me

Time:2:43 pm.
Mood: hungry.
In Pakistan, there is a beautiful place called Hunza, where some people are said to live to be 120 years old. I love and appreciate my modern-day conveniences, but sometimes the idea of simple primitive living appeals to me. I hope in the future to incorporate some of these ideas, I've always been interested in off-grid living, it seems a good way to help protect our environment, that we seem to appear intent on destroying. And I also need to start being more healthy. I plan to be around when Luna is old and whithered. I'm going to start by eating apricots.

And then last night i had that strange dream
Where everything was exactly how it seemed
Where concerns about the world getting warmer
The people thought they were just being rewarded
For treating others as they like to be treated
For obeying stop signs and curing diseases
For mailing letters with the address of the sender
Now we can swim any day in november

Don't wake me i plan on sleeping in

I've been thinking of cutting my hair short. This is a major decision, I may cry when it falls to the floor, but it's so damn hot, and I don't know what to do with it half the time, so it always ends up in pony-tail anyway. I'm talking short, though. Above my shoulders at least. Bangs? Maybe. What does everyone think??
2 dreams| walk with me

Wednesday, July 7th, 2004

Time:2:01 pm.
Mood: weird.
Omg. Face Transplants. What was a matter of 'if' is now only a matter of 'when'. What next? The future is looking like one really cool and/or really disastrous sci-fi movie.

I believe there are a ton of lj people out there who want to see King Arthur, so I'm trying to set up something for this weekend. I prefer an evening showing, but if it must be a matinee, only Sunday afternoon works for me. If anyone wants to go, let's all set up a time that works for everybody.
8 dreams| walk with me

Tuesday, July 6th, 2004

Time:2:52 pm.
Mood: hungry.
I had a fun, full weekend. Briefly: Friday I went with John and Cristi Ellen (sp?) to Summerfest to see W.K.T. and later met up with John's friends at Dashboard Confessional. Haven't heard them before, they were alright. Highlights: Watching people give John their beer so they could get past him, watching others climb under the picnic tables full of people, in the dark, for example, one chick who was so determined to get past him she crawled under a table and emerged out into a pile of puke, yet pulled herself up proudly, seemingly feeling victorious that she had gotten past 'the asshole'. I have to admit, though I don't like seeing John be an asshole, he made for an amusing night. Saturday was spent helping Kevo move and with Luna, Sunday Luna's dad canceled on us (big surprise there), went out that night with Malia, brought some gin out to Karl and Allan's apt., Max stopped by and we played some music, then went out to some bars and were supremely disappointed. Met some dudes who impressed Malia with their PHDs, then unimpressed her (and I) by asking for our numbers 3 minutes into the conservation. We concluded that we have so much more fun playing music, or doing anything for that matter, than going to bars (unless it involves more interesting men and dancing), we need to be stimulated, and it just wasn't happening. The weekend wasn't quite what I expected, but I had fun anyway. I suppose that wasn't so brief. Oh well.

I've been thinking so much lately. I guess constant physical labor puts me into a more analytical mood. But, I have to eat, take a shower, and pick Luna up. Another day perhaps I can elaborate on those thoughts.
6 dreams| walk with me

Tuesday, June 29th, 2004

Time:2:12 pm.
Mood: anxious.
Is anyone going to Summerfest at all this year? I wasn't planning on it, but my uncle's band is playing on Friday and I'm considering. If anyone is going or wants to go on Friday, let me know. Unless there's something more exciting going on, but I doubt it. I'll probably just end up sitting at a bar as usual.

Tomorrow: Spiderman 2! Anyone up for King Arthur next Wednesday? (I know I'll get a few takers...)
6 dreams| walk with me

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2004

Time:9:36 pm.
Mood: peaceful.
Since our office is in Wauwatosa (sp?), we clean a lot of homes there. Today we cleaned a doctor's home with seven bathrooms and an elevator. Who needs an elevator for a three story house? Anyway, I really like the area, there are some really big beautiful and unique homes there, many parks, ponds, and river trails. I'm considering buying a home there in 3 or 4 years, when the time comes. I'd like a place in between my family in the Falls and Milwaukee, and it seems like a good spot. I know for certain in the future I want to be in a more remote setting, with the city still at hand, but I wouldn't mind starting out in Wauwatosa.

So...what's everyone doing this weekend?
6 dreams| walk with me

Monday, June 21st, 2004

Time:3:31 pm.
Mood: frustrated.
Grrrr...Collapse )
25 dreams| walk with me

Friday, June 18th, 2004

Time:12:11 pm.
Mood: giggly.
caravaggia and daicerio_blue have been secretly doing it!
bellychic has an invisible friend. They're dating.
0rganism has secret, sordid fantasies about bts_wrkng and acts them out with steelspike!
demon_jd and havenleah do things behind envyisblind's back that are illegal in most of the world.
nasagrl knows *just* how long to hold them down for.
caravaggia collects other people's underwear!

Enter your username to dish the dirt on your friends!

3 dreams| walk with me

Wednesday, June 16th, 2004

Subject:My ears are still ringing..
Time:1:14 pm.
Mood: ecstatic.
Skinny Puppy was AMAZING...Collapse )
10 dreams| walk with me

Tuesday, June 15th, 2004

Time:11:49 am.
Mood: thoughtful.
I've been very introspective today, not unusual for me, but as I was obsessively cleaning the house, I got to thinking. I've changed a lot over the past year, more than I even thought possible. But there's one thing that's changing that I think is very important, something I hadn't seen before. Growing up I was always a very defensive person. I was extremely so in my last relationship, always defending everything I did, said, but that was out of fear, a fear that shames me now, but I did it because I was being manipulated. Before then I was simply defensive because everything was so damn serious and important to me (not that it isn't now, but it was at an unhealthy level). I was too humble, I think, I was always afraid the earth would fall from under me, always had to have control, something I feel I haven't had much in my childhood and adolesence. I started to realize I am becoming more and more proud, confident, and less defensive, and I thought of the reasons. Luna is one, for certain, but I think Malia coming back into my life is a huge reason. Looking back, I can see the change happened almost immediately after we rediscovered the bond we once shared. I admire Malia much, and I think this time she was needed in my life to remind me of the person I really want to be, the person I am becoming, and the person I am. Malia is so damn proud that sometimes it takes people aback, but knowing her so well, I see the trait for what it is and I admire it. She is who she is, she tells you who she is, and she makes no apologies. She has reminded me of my defensive nature, and she helped speed up the process of pulling me out of it. Lately I've found it easier to be myself. I make no apologies anymore. I'm hard, and I can be cold when I have to be, and I've gotten over the guilt that comes with it. I have a smile for everyone, but if they choose to try and tear the earth from under me, or take that control back, I no longer have a problem looking them in the eye, getting into their space and telling them the way it is. I did this the last time I saw Josh, I see it now, and I'm damn proud of it. For once, I had the floor, for once, I didn't let him humble me, I didn't let him take that control, twist my words or manipulate me. I believe in reasons for everything. If you decide to get up at this very moment and walk out your door, something may happen that could change your day, your year, your life. Every simple thing has cause and effect. Now that I know one of the reasons Malia came back into my life, I appreciate her even more. Life is about people, and what we can learn from them, what we can share with each other, how we can use it to make everyone's lives better. Wow, I didn't expect to say that much.

Yesterday I found out that The Celestine Prophecy is being made into a movie!! That is fucking awesome.

I know I had planned on talking about Love, but that topic is still a little muddled in my head. It's taken a year, but I'm finally content with being single, and casual dating, though I don't think I really care at the moment if I do. I'm happy. My life is peaceful at the moment, and I'm enjoying it. So, unless you're this guy, this guy or this guy, you probably won't get my attention any time soon.
9 dreams| walk with me

Sunday, June 13th, 2004

Subject:Love and Chivalry.
Time:9:32 pm.
Mood: contemplative.

I had a very crazy and funny thing happen to me today. I took Luna for a walk down Main Street, a busier street, especially on a Sunday afternoon. As I was crossing Appleton and Main, Luna's hat went flying. It flew right smack dab into the center of the intersection, cars speeding past, cars speeding over it. I'm staring helplessly at the hat that has seemed to decide to just stop dead center, perfectly aligned, I swear, right in the middle of speeding traffic, and when I get to the other side, I wait for the wind to whisk it over to the next street. After a second of wishful thinking, I see a car speed to a stop across the street from me, a guy rush out, watch him rush into oncoming traffic, retrieve the hat while casually missing the front of a car by inches, and then see him stride coolly over to me and hand me the hat. I stare at him wide eyed, holding back the 'wow, you must be crazy, but thanks!', instead thanking him kindly and watch him kind of stutter out 'yeah, I saw you staring at it as it went flying, so...', and he smiled, ran across the street, joined his friend back in the car and sped off. He must have suddenly realized what he had just done, and wondered why he had just done it. I guess in the moment...who am I kidding. Would I risk getting hit by a car to retrieve a hat, no matter who's hat it was? I'm not sure. So I guess as us women are romantically daydreaming about heroic acts of chivalry, we just have to settle for young guys in green tank tops and gold chains retrieving our hats.

Tomorrow: Love.
2 dreams| walk with me

Time:3:24 pm.
Mood: content.
How to make a enalia

1 part intelligence

3 parts crazyiness

3 parts beauty
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Top it off with a sprinkle of emotion and enjoy!
3 dreams| walk with me

Thursday, June 10th, 2004

Time:12:37 pm.
Mood: giddy.

Tomorrow night is Alison's DJ night at Club Huh, or club wtf, or club whatever the hell you'd like to call it. I believe she will be joined by DjWhiterabbit (from Inferno?). That's where I'll be..it should be great fun, great music, and great drink specials, so, hopefully that's where all of you will be..
11 dreams| walk with me

Monday, June 7th, 2004

Subject:It's about time...
Time:7:19 pm.
Mood: thankful.
I got the job!! Thank fucking god. Now I can afford to leave my house. So..if anyone needs their house cleaned, I'm your woman!!
9 dreams| walk with me

Time:8:24 am.
Mood: cheerful.
I love this song. It's been so long since I listened to this CD...sometimes I forget I even have certain cds, and when I listen to them again it brings back so many memories..

I've put up a website of photos (here: http://www.uwm.edu/~nmflasch/photos/); mostly they're of Luna, so for those of you who've never seen her, there's a ton. (This one is my favorite: http://www.uwm.edu/~nmflasch/photos/Luna/Luna_hi.jpg) And the way I take pictures, they'll surely be a ton more. There are a few old ones, and a few more recent of friends, but since I don't have a scanner or a digital camera (one day) I don't have very many. I have about 5 photo albums, but I want to 'go digital'. I guess so I can be like the rest of the freakin world.
2 dreams| walk with me

Friday, June 4th, 2004

Subject:Woo Hoo! (omg....I did not just type that...)
Time:2:53 pm.
Mood:I feel like dancing.
I may have a job!! Monday through Friday, 8am to 2ish, $8 an hour with bonuses!! I'm expecting a call before Monday. $ = partee, things for Luna, and I actually get to see my long distance Milwaukee friends!!

Also...Luna learned her first sentence the other day. It's 'No, mama.' Ah, the joys of motherhood.

So, it's dinner tonight, then maybe planet, and definitely Cub huh. I will see many of you! And hopefully many more!
9 dreams| walk with me

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